Emotionally Unprepared 05/21/2011
 My emotions are overwhelming today. I loved being the classroom all week, because it was a complete picture hope and promise. Although the children seemed to have so little, they had so many of the things that matter. They seemed happy and were certainly interested in all things education. Nevertheless, the drive to the safari was too much for me to handle. I sat in the middle row of our convoy, with five of the most mature college students I have ever met. They all attend Hardin, a Christian University, and I’m sure that has a lot to do with their level headedness. I thought back to the first meeting I was able to attend in the states about this trip. After being told that were going on a safari, my first question was, “Is this mandatory?” To be honest, I’m not sure why I wasn’t interested in going. I’m always one for trying new things and had never been on a safari before, but my gut told me that I should just stay home. However, I went anyway. I paid close attention as we drove through the city. I was amazed at how the people reminded me of my own family. The women had the quiet aggressiveness of my mother and grandmother. The children shared the same glow as my own daughter. The men walked like my father and smiled like my favorite uncle. I felt connected, proud in a lot of ways, to see complete family units and strong family values among people of color. What I didn’t realize, as I admired the people in the city is that once the pavement ended and we turned onto the dirt road my pride would quickly turn into a deep sadness. For an entire hour, I witnessed very poor people, working and living on very rich land. There were miles of wheat and rice crops, all of which translated into wealth for someone, but obviously not for those whose own yards they grew in. I began to wonder why Africans were inheritors of one of the riches continents, but yet lived in conditions that didn’t seem fit for any human. I fought back tears. As the only African American in my entire party, I didn’t want to cause a scene. So I continued to be a “good sport” while the others waved at the children and snapped pictures. Once we made it to the safari, they marveled at how beautiful the land and animals were. They seemed emotionally unaffected. It didn’t make me upset though, I realized that they just didn’t see what I saw. It’s almost like I had a special covering over my eyes. I saw an entire race of people who had been robbed of their inheritance. In the safari, I saw more evidence of Africa’s richness, which made me even more emotional given the current state of the people. I closed my eyes for a second and tried to connect the dots. I thought about my own life and how there was always a small part of me that felt like royalty. Even when people robbed me of my confidence making me feel worthless, I could not silence the tune in my heart that played a different song. As I listened closely, I recognized that what I had been hearing all my life was the sound of Africa. The “they” in my original thoughts turned to “we” and I asked two final questions; what was God’s original plan for us? And how had that plan been aborted? After finally making it back to my room, I attempted to discuss how I was feeling, hoping to get some answers. But after being told “Those people are fine compared to what I saw in Ethiopia,” I realized that maybe I wasn’t the only one confused. I ignored what I thought was ignorant comment, dismissing, however respecting it as probably true for her life, but not for my own, and began to talk only to the Lord. So as I type with tear filled eyes, I ask once again--hear my cry, oh Lord, don’t turn your face far from me--Now I pray and I wait, not only for my own revelation, but for others as well. Until Next Time, Celia “emotionally unprepared for the safari” Anderson CommentsSarah Hinton 05/21/2011 12:16
Babygirl, just give to God, He sent you there for a reason, one that will become clear to you each day. When you return, you will be able to share your true calling, the one which you are almost there. The day you where born, I knew the minute you put in my arms, you where a very special gift from God, not that your sister wasn't, but this was different. No one in the group can ever understand the depth of your feelings about the things God is showing you, they are only for you. Embrace it and know that The Master has you just where he wants you. SDG~~~Mom Celia, 05/21/2011 15:56
Celia, Ms. Celia, you're amazing. What most people would view as amazing entertainment (an African safari), you allowed yourself to be led by the most high. Bless you! Thank you for reminding us, a people of color, to look beyond what's actually there. I felt your words, they've touched my heart. So be encouraged to continue to share with us, what you're led to share with us. 05/25/2011 23:09
This was moving to say the least. The testament of your transprancy moving. I excited for the transformation that is happen before our very eyes. Flow in faith. Leave a Reply |  AuthorCelia Speaks! ArchivesCategoriesAll |
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